Most people struggling with their identity don’t realize it.
It feels like a relationship problem.
Like you just need to figure this situation out.
And maybe it started that way.
But if it's taking over and controlling your life, then the real problem may be self-identity.
Have you found that:
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You don’t know who you’d be if someone was no longer in your life
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It feels like you can't be happy unless certain people are happy with you
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One small remark or action makes or breaks your entire day
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You're constantly trying to read people's mind and adjust yourself accordingly
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You do so much, but it never feels like enough
It’s not your fault.
You're not too sensitive, anxious, or "crazy".
Somewhere along the way, you were conditioned to
"find yourself" in others -- and no one helped you build a healthy self.
There was no Identity 101 class.
Doctors didn't check the health of your identity.
Instead, you learned that your purpose was to be useful, desirable, and exemplary in the eyes of others.
And in this well-intentioned pursuit, you abandoned your true self.
“But I know who I am.
I could tell you a lot of things about myself!”
I felt that way too.
From the outside, everything looked good. I worked hard, furthered my education, had long-term relationships, interests, and a social life.
But on the inside I was barely holding it together.
My purpose, my self-esteem... all came from my boyfriend. How he felt was how I felt. I lived in fear of losing him. I couldn’t break up, even when things got really bad.
When things would inevitably fell apart, I’d fall into despair. It was more than mourning what we had – I was mourning the loss of my purpose, my good feelings, my entire sense-of-self
The moment I had new relationship – everything felt better. I felt seen, loved, like somebody!
But slowly over time I needed more love, more validation… and the miserable cycle continued.
Because I didn’t feel good in my own identity.
I’d only worked on building an identity for others.
And once I began building an identity for and around my true self… I finally could love myself and drastically change my relationship dynamic and entire life.
Hi! I'm Tracy
For much of my life I struggled to be myself, always looking for someone or something to give me a "real" sense-of-self.
I was an emotional rollercoaster. I over-shopped, over-drank, and went to extremes for love & approval.
Now I help people see their identity as an art form, so they can overcome codependency and worry...and become the self-expressed, self-loving person they know they truly are inside.
You can read my journey here.
